think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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