shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
