We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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