paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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