glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
