two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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