That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
