oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
