my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i drank out of a bidet.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
