First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
