i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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