I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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