I accidentally had phone sex last night
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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