when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
