i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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