I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
