whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize