Pants 0. Shit 1.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
