my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
