That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
