I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
