Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Buhtt sex?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
