you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
