My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's blow job season.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
