But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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