I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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