i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
