that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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