i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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