Non-Jews are for practice
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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