Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
