when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
be right there i have to get my cape
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
