Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
