I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
