I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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