and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
