I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
