I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
