Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize