There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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