I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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