who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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