I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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