11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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