Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
