my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
