you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
