people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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