She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and she was petting her beer can
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
