wat bout pragnant strippers??
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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