he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
