she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
