You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
