i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
