It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
