he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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