I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
