My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
