im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
