***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
