We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
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