i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize