after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
