I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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