Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
