Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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