Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
