I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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